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The U.S. government is somewhat like that older family member you have that understands the importance of social media but is rather baffled at how to actually use it effectively. Particularly, the Secret Service is trying to find a tool that analyzes social media such as Twitter and Facebook, and it includes a rather long list of sought-after capabilities.

The most amusing in the long list is “Ability to detect sarcasm and false positives”. (Hey look, Secret Service, if you figure that one out please let everyone know.) The full list is as follows:

Real-time stream analysis;
Customizable, keyword search features;
Sentiment analysis;
Trend analysis;
Audience segmentation;
Geographic segmentation;
Qualitative, data visualization representations (heat maps, charts, graphs, etc.);
Multiple user access;
Functionality to have read-only users;
Access to historical twitter data;
Influencer identification;
Standard web browser access with login credentials;
User level permissions;
Compatibility with Internet Explorer 8;
Section 508 compliant;
Ability to detect sarcasm and false positives;
Functionality to send notifications to users;
Functionality to analyze data over a given period of time;
Ability to quantify the agency's social media outreach/footprint;
Vendor-provided training and technical/customer support;
Ability to create custom reports without involving IT specialists; and
Ability to search online content in multiple languages.

Obama Secret Service

The agency wants to acquire this service from someone with a BPA (Blanket Purchasing Agreement) for 5 years, and it’s accepting applications until June 9th at 5MP EST.

Oh, I've got the sarcasm right here!!!!!


Is there a link anywhere to where I am able to send in an application or are they the type of folk who find me before I find them? Really I am in no mood for runarounds and have been on the runarounds for a few years now with everything still unresolved and I only keep being sent to someone else over and over again. If those folk are the same way then I will have to speak up louder AND WITH CAPS LOCK CAUSE I KNOW YOU ARE ABLE TO READ THE CAPITAL LETTERS ALL OF YOU :@


that is sad they have listed the internet explorer 8 as like its the stable version at this time which is true, as far as I am able to see, all the times since ie10 there have been issues, iexplore.exe opens multiple instances and it slows down everything and still haven't found what exactly is causing the issue and I have tried factory default with keeping documents and important files in tact, I have upgraded to ie11, downgraded to ie9, still the same thing, only way to stop it is to go in programs and features, then press where it says turn windows features on or off, and uncheck the box where it says Internet Explorer 11, 10, 9, or any of them, and apply the settings, restart the computer to make sure as well, and have already a backup browser as there are more than 7 to choose from and all of them do the functions different than each other, some load pages better than others and that is great always to know which applications work better with what which browser... the downside to disabling the internet explorer is that there are some programs that utilize the browser functions and programming such as the quicken program of which most businesses who organize their money files do utilize often and daily... It been rough for about a decade on the subject and it was a lot more fun catching and being rid of the noobs game glitchers with no skills to play the games right than what all other internet abusers are doing, sickos all of them.


But everything on the internet is sarcasm..... and pron


AND GET YOUR KIDS THE PREPAID CREDIT CARDS, IF THEY WANT FUNDS FOR THE GAMES, THEN EVERY SO OFTEN LOAD THEIR CARDS UP WITH THEIR ALLOWANCE MONEY, IF ITS TOO MUCH THEN THEY WILL HAVE TO SAVE AND WAIT TIL THEY HAVE ENOUGH TO PURCHASE GAME ITEMS, and fake people in games are about the same as fake people in the social sites, fake cams, voice changers, misused and abused recordings, and the list goes on and on...

Super Dave

There's no tool with the ability to detect sarcasm - they should just hire Shannon.


sounds like a wonderful idea


Why would anyone want to detect sarcasm?


Even the Secret Service couldn't detect sarcasm; that would require a level of actual intelligence. Unfortunately, if there's one thing the US is known for, it's faulty intelligence.


FBI must know there is sarcasm and then there is sarcasm with a Capitol S. I think this is a grand idea as just imagine how the red herrings will leap and frolic in the waves of laughter. Hardy-har-har-har-har...or how about Bwaha-ha-ha-ha-ha. I think I like "snicker" better, it is rather sweeter. Hee-he-he-he-he!1